Strong Willed Child (SWC)

Yes, it has an acronym.

I write this for any other mother who is out there with a child that is strong willed and is seeking help. I found a book at the library that has given me more insight than any one book or one person. It is called, "You Can't Make Me, but I Can Be Persuaded" by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias. The parenting skills that I developed either from helping with my siblings, or with Kayla DO NOT work at all for Trevor. We both have struggled to co-habitat peacefully. It's very frustrating as a mother to struggle so early on with a child. I have read so many books, have expressed my frustrations to friends, family, and even the therapists I work with, and it's hard for many to relate unless you have experienced a strong willed child first hand. Of course, the Trevor stories make so many laugh, but when you have this on a daily basis it's exhausting. So, if you're wondering if you might have an SWC, I thought I would list some of the characteristics:

• almost never accepts words like "impossible" or phrases like "it can't be done."


• can move with lightening speed from being a warm loving presence to being a cold, immovable force.


• may argue the point into the ground, sometimes just to see how far into the ground the point will go.


• when bored, has been known to create a crisis rather than have a day go by without incident.


• considers rules to be more like guidelines (as long as I'm abiding by the spirit of the law, why are you being so picky?)


• shows great creativity and resourcefulness-seems to always find a way to accomplish a goal.


• can turn what seems to be the smallest issue into a grand crusade or a raging controversy.


• doesn't do things just because"you're supposed to"-it needs to matter personally.


• refuses to obey unconditionally-seems to always have a few terms of negotiation before complying.


• is not aftraid to try the unknown-to conquer the unfamiliar.


• can take what was meant to be the simplest request and interpret it as an offensive ultimatum.


• may not actually apologize but almost always makes things right.

Not all children have to demonstrate all qualities. There are some on here that Trevor obviously doesn't manifest, but the majority does apply to him. I remember shortly after we moved here we were at church and he wanted a drink of water from the drinking fountain. I sent him on ahead and thought I would catch up to him to help him (since the fountain was too high). By the time I reached him he had pulled a chair out of one of the classrooms and got the drink himself. At the time he was almost 2 years old. If he wants it, he'll figure out a way to get it! Indeed that is a good quality to have, but on the reverse side of his resourcefullness, is his disregard for rules that at times he thinks are just guidelines. For instance, he has been able to undo every baby proofing gadget we have owned. If he wants a treat after I told him no, he will wait until I am in the shower or busy doing something else and find a resourceful way to open the cabinet and get the treat anyway. That results in frustration on both parts.

So the book has some good ideas. All we want as a family is to have peace into our home despite the challenges of discipling and directing a strong will child; and hope to do this without breaking his "spirit". If you find yourself still reading this entry and completely understand this first hand, go check the book out. It has given me hope! We love Trevor and want only the best for him and we are blessed to have him in our home. I know he will go far in life and accomplish many great things!