Strong Willed Child (SWC)

Yes, it has an acronym.

I write this for any other mother who is out there with a child that is strong willed and is seeking help. I found a book at the library that has given me more insight than any one book or one person. It is called, "You Can't Make Me, but I Can Be Persuaded" by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias. The parenting skills that I developed either from helping with my siblings, or with Kayla DO NOT work at all for Trevor. We both have struggled to co-habitat peacefully. It's very frustrating as a mother to struggle so early on with a child. I have read so many books, have expressed my frustrations to friends, family, and even the therapists I work with, and it's hard for many to relate unless you have experienced a strong willed child first hand. Of course, the Trevor stories make so many laugh, but when you have this on a daily basis it's exhausting. So, if you're wondering if you might have an SWC, I thought I would list some of the characteristics:

• almost never accepts words like "impossible" or phrases like "it can't be done."


• can move with lightening speed from being a warm loving presence to being a cold, immovable force.


• may argue the point into the ground, sometimes just to see how far into the ground the point will go.


• when bored, has been known to create a crisis rather than have a day go by without incident.


• considers rules to be more like guidelines (as long as I'm abiding by the spirit of the law, why are you being so picky?)


• shows great creativity and resourcefulness-seems to always find a way to accomplish a goal.


• can turn what seems to be the smallest issue into a grand crusade or a raging controversy.


• doesn't do things just because"you're supposed to"-it needs to matter personally.


• refuses to obey unconditionally-seems to always have a few terms of negotiation before complying.


• is not aftraid to try the unknown-to conquer the unfamiliar.


• can take what was meant to be the simplest request and interpret it as an offensive ultimatum.


• may not actually apologize but almost always makes things right.

Not all children have to demonstrate all qualities. There are some on here that Trevor obviously doesn't manifest, but the majority does apply to him. I remember shortly after we moved here we were at church and he wanted a drink of water from the drinking fountain. I sent him on ahead and thought I would catch up to him to help him (since the fountain was too high). By the time I reached him he had pulled a chair out of one of the classrooms and got the drink himself. At the time he was almost 2 years old. If he wants it, he'll figure out a way to get it! Indeed that is a good quality to have, but on the reverse side of his resourcefullness, is his disregard for rules that at times he thinks are just guidelines. For instance, he has been able to undo every baby proofing gadget we have owned. If he wants a treat after I told him no, he will wait until I am in the shower or busy doing something else and find a resourceful way to open the cabinet and get the treat anyway. That results in frustration on both parts.

So the book has some good ideas. All we want as a family is to have peace into our home despite the challenges of discipling and directing a strong will child; and hope to do this without breaking his "spirit". If you find yourself still reading this entry and completely understand this first hand, go check the book out. It has given me hope! We love Trevor and want only the best for him and we are blessed to have him in our home. I know he will go far in life and accomplish many great things!

Calling all Zinn, Goates, & Lough Families...

and any one else that wants to participate.
I have really enjoyed picking up running. I ran my first race last April, and I'm doing another one in November. We were gathered at my mom's house during the Olympics and we watched the Marathon event. During that race I mentioned the family training for a race. I found a race for next May in Indianapolis (central for almost everyone). There is the half marathon, the 5K run, & 5K walk! So my challenge is to gather my family together and accomplish this goal. I promise it will be rewarding! When researching the race, I found out that it "sells" out pretty quickly. The were full by November 2007 for May's 2008 race. So, what am I saying, we have to commit to this pretty quickly. So what do you say? Hey, it's an excuse to buy some awesome new running shoes. Oh, and if you have the high arch issue like me, try Adidas. They work great for me.

Here's the website for the race: http://www.500festival.com/marathon/500Festival5K.asp
Click on "registration" on left-hand side for more details!

Lesson in Life...

don't run away from your mother!

So, last night Trevor once again had to learn a lesson about obedience. I truly feel sorry that it takes pain for him to learn that it is a must to listen to his mother. It was 9:00 pm and I asked the boy to come with me to get his jammies on. He told me no and ran away. The main floor of our house is a circle, so it makes it difficult to catch them when they decide to play this game with me. I was tired, and in no mood to play his game, so I went into his room to get his jammies and I hear, "I need help." So being evil, I thought, whatever you've done, you deserve this. Well, the intensity of his voice changed and it went from I need help, to the cry every mom knows when the kid is really hurt. I come out of the room and see the boy with blood pouring from his arm and it's all over the recliner. My immediate thought is 1). Raise is arm above his head and 2) Call Debbie to get her over here right away (Ryan once again was not home). Due to the rate the blood was flowing I thought I had about 10 min to get him to the hospital before he passed out. At this point I still couldn't see where the blood was coming from. After just a minute, I thought, I've got to take this towel off and assess the situation. To my surprise the bleeding stopped and I discovered it was only a puncture wound. I called Debbie back and told her we were okay. I then started the process of cleaning up this bloody mess and to try to figure out what happened. I put him in the tub because he was covered in blood and went to the living and discovered that a nail from the back of the recliner was the culprit. I also discovered the reason why the nail was exposed was because Trevor has pulled part of the back off to stash his toys. We found all kinds of goods back there.
So lesson in life for all ages...LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER!

I accept your tag

I accepted Amanda's tag. It's fun to reflect on what's happened, so here it goes...



20 years ago:

1. I was in the 8th grade, and thought it was so cool.
2. I was on Blackhawk's Swim Team.
3. Mainly hung out with friends.



10 years ago:

1. I was serving a mission in Buenos Aires Argentina.
2. I had been there for a while, so the language was getting better.
3. Was trying to heal from breaking my foot while on my mission ( not fun with an Argentine version of a walking cast).
4. LOVED the Argentine people and their fatty foods (alfahors are the best).



3 years ago:

1. Trevor was born, and oh how we've been so blessed since then (we sure do love him).
2. We were living in our first house.
3. I was working at Children's Hospital.



Last year:

1. Life got really busy for us with church and work
2. We paid off yucky debt that had taken us five years.
3. "I" was adjusting to small town living.

Yesterday:
1. I worked
2. I took Trevor to preschool.
3. I went to class

Today:
1. I washed the front of the house (I know it's crazy, but it was really nasty).
2. I ironed clothes that have been sitting in the basket for days
3. I talked to Rebecca (thanks, it was fun to catch up).
4. I took Kayla to swim practice
5. I ran 5.25 miles (getting prepared for 5K in Nov. Want to come Amber?).
6. Studied for test (or at least tried).
7. I went to the chiropractor (he's trying to undo all my neck damage, and he's doing a dang good job).

Tomorrow:
1. I have my first A&P lecture test (wish me luck)!
2. I have to study for the A&P Lab test, which is Friday.
3. I have to take Kayla to swim practice
4. I have to take Trevor to preschool.
5. I have to clean house because I work this weekend, and we have a fireside for the youth here on Sunday.

Next year:
1. I'll be starting my nursing clinicals, and need I add anything else to that!

Tag to anyone who wants to reminisce!

I need your help

This past weekend was our Stake Conference, and by the way it was excellent. We had Pres Jensen and Elder Hardy come and they gave inspiring talks on raising a righteous posterity. While pondering their thoughts the idea came to me to compose a symposium for our ward, (which still needs to be approved by the bishop; are you reading this Ryan?!). So these are the topics that I came up with. I would love to get input from all those who read this blog, whether I know you or not. You can email me at Melissalough22@aol.com .

Thanks

• What's There To Do On Sunday Mom?!
• Some Of My Greatest Blessings Call Me Grandma
• Parenting: The Non-Negotiables
• Are Your Scriptures On The Back Burner?
• Family Mealtimes-Way More Than Food
• Singles: What Is Your Role In Raising A Righteous Posterity

I know there are so many great ideas out there, so please pass them along. With all that families face these days, I feel compelled to help give families the tools they need to be successful. It takes a village to raise a child!